LISA'S BLOG

As of late....

2008-07-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

My life has been crazy busy! I am working 5 days a week from 6am til 2:30pm, I have been playing netball 2 times a week, am coaching 2 teams (used to be 3 teams until a month ago), i am a youth group leader, attending church every sunday and an active member of our youth/young adults discipleship group on sunday nights. and in all that i am trying to plan a wedding!!!!

So my life has been busy... but i have got the next 1.5 weeks to do NOTHING! other than work, NOTHING! I am soo grateful for this time. I have blogged about how busyness is just lame, but it really is. I am noticing that now, since i havent blogged in a couple months and havent journalled in quite a few months. Sorry if people come to my blog. i am sure u will be disappointed by the amount of times i have blogged recently.

So i will try to keep blogging more... so sorry!

ANZAC Day

2008-04-24T15:21:00.000-07:00

For those people who are overseas, they might not know why we get a holiday called ANZAC day.... basically anzac day is for us to remember the troops that have fought in war. i am just excited that i get a day off to rest and sleep in etc.

I have noticed that for my whole life i have had this apathetic spirit towards anzac day and the people the fought in the war. the bible says there is a time for war and for peace. but i dont understand war, nor do i agree with it happening. i think thats why i have such an apathetic spirit. i mean is it really necessary to go take a bunch of guns and bopmbs and go kill people from other countries...

all i know, is i have a day of work and thats good.

So sorry for not blogging!!!!

2008-04-12T04:19:00.000-07:00

Back to the blogging.... my life is super, crazy busy, i dont even have time to just sit and do absolutely nothing.... oh wait, doing that tonight! yay! nah but my life is crazy. i am getting married in less than 5 months.... argghhhh sooooo weird to think that i am gonna be a married woman soon! anywayz onto my blog....

I felt inspired to blog tonight. i watched this movie called 'Amber's story'. such a beautiful movie, it made me cry. in 1996, Amber, aged 9 was riding her bike around and got kidnapped from her bike by a man. they had no leads, an eye witness who had real bad sight, so he didnt really see anything and 4 days later, found her murdered on a creek bed. this is based on a true story if u didnt get that.

Then Amber's mother worked hard to impliment this emergency broadcast system called Amber Alert. when a child has been abducted, within an hr or so, an amber alert is sent out all across the state to police and on news and radio etc. so that this child can be found as soon as possible and hopefully not dead. her mother worked so hard that it is now implemented into all 50 states across america. they even showed a story of how the amber alert saved a child's life.

what touched me so much about this story is that at first, i was soooo angry that someone could murder such an innocent child (Amber). by the end, i was in tears just so touched at how because 1 life was taken so horribly, many lives have been saved thanks to the family of Amber. It's so beautiful. as crappy as it is that one innocent life was taken so horribly, many others are getting saved as a result.

i so admire the courage of Amber's mother and how she can turn the worst tragedy of her life into something so amazing. I hope that i continue to grow in courage.

Change

2008-02-05T01:47:00.000-08:00

So change happens soooo much. and so often. I think it happens too often for me liking. Although i am one to have changes every now and then, I am also a creature of habit. So when massive changes come up.... its hard. but when they are good changes, I tend to get so torn between my feelings of excitement and my feelings of somewhat sadness, or nervousness.

The most recent change that has come up has come soooo suddenly and has all happened heaps fast. My maid of honour Kerrie and one of my other bridesmaids Sally are moving to Gympie. For those people who don't live in Aust, Gympie is about 2 hrs down the road. Although its not that far, its still a massive change. I found out 2 weeks ago. They are going there this Thursday. Sadness was the first emotion that i felt. Kerrie is my bestest friend ever, so it was tough. But at the same time i am sooooo excited!!!!!! God is bringing about alot of change in 2008! They are going there to take over as leaders of the Salvation Army because the church there is in real trouble!!! how awesome is that!!! If u know Kerrie and Sally, those 2 are gonna change that little town around. It's such an amazing opportunity but come sooo fast I have had to adjust very quickly.

This has not come as just a blessing to them, but a blessing to me as well. I have been struggling to pray. Its a gift I have been given but i get so overwhelmed by how much i could pray for, that i dont pray at all. and as my friend Denise says "just do it"... well u will be proud Denise, i have started just doing it. been praying it up for my 2 beautiful friends and its been a blessing to me. i feel very empowered when i pray and feel a huge part of what they are doing up there cuz i am praying. so its a massive blessing to me. and its giving me a hunger to pray more.

speaking of new things.... i have an interview on Friday.... as some of my friends know, it is a passion of mine to do High School Chaplaincy. But i was gonna wait a couple yrs so that Andrew can finish his apprenticeship and stuff. I started randomly filling out an application form online for it, but didnt finish it. apparently it registers on their system when u even start one. so they rang me and offered me an interview for Friday!!!! MASSIVE STUFF!!!! its like God is opening a door that i didnt even think would be opened for a couple of yrs. so its awesome!!!!

No Compromise

2008-01-09T03:15:00.000-08:00

There arent too many things in life that get me really really really frustrated. BUT this is one of them. This bumper sticker i have seen heaps and heaps around lately on people's cars. i have also been seeing things in my life, like chinese 'good luck' stuff, fortune cookies, astrology etc etc. this stuff is a 'normal' part of everyday life. i think what frustrates me the most is that this stuff is not from God. magic doesnt happen, astrology is a bunch of rubbish where someone decided they could put everyone in this world into 12 different categories and tell them how their life is going to be that month. luck is for pagans! (TWC people will get that one!). so why do i see so many Christians around thriving on stuff like horoscopes and fortune cookies? hasnt God called us to live a life of no compromise. when we compromise the little things, its only a matter of time before we start compromising the big stuff. and why do we put ourselves in this spot? i dont know. my mum, whom i love dearly is often a bit 'oh ok, whatever. everyone is different and we have to respect what they believe". i have a level of respect for everyone on this planet, but i dont believe that respect means that we go along with what they believe or we accept what they believe!!! One thing i have learnt is you can respect someone, without respecting their lifestyle and their choices.

I remember reading recently in John about Jesus overturning the tables in the temple because people had turned the place of worship into something that it shouldnt have been. I want to be more like Jesus. i want to speak up against the stuff that i dont believe in. I dont want to offend people but a Christian life always comes with having to offend people every now and then. I want to be that person that isnt afraid to speak up!!!!!!!

I know this stuff that i have mentioned seems a bit trivial, but it is whats on my heart now.... sorry i havent blogged in awhile. i dont really have any motivation to blog, cuz i dont know whether ppl actually read it.

Birthday

2007-12-20T17:35:00.000-08:00

So this time last week i was celebrating my 20th birthday. it was an ok day, but it was cool to ponder my life for the last 20 yrs.... i have been through so many years of just wishing i was someone else and thinking i am not very important in this world. God has been changing this perception for the last 1.5 yrs. My parents a few years ago told me that my mum had an IUD in, which is to stop u from getting pregnant but its that horrible one where if u r pregnant, when they take it out, u r supposed to miscarry if u did get pregnant. But God must have really wanted me on this earth cuz here i am!!!

But the cool thing is, is that i heard more of the story last Friday. Apparently while mum was pregnant (she didnt know she was til like 20 weeks!!!!), she had 2 bone grafts done. they took one of her ribs out and put it in her cheek cuz she had a bad accident a couple yrs prior to that. but then it got highly infected, so they had to take another rib out and do another one. so while she was pregnant with me, she had x-rays (which can kill the unborn baby), had 2 operations and was on heavy pain killers.... but i was a fighter from the start. God created me this way. i survived, i was completely fine, even after all that.

When i was 2, i was riding my tricycle through the house on the 2nd storey and i rode out onto the verandah and i fell off my bike and fell 2 storeys into our backyard. i landed in this ditch my dad happened to dig a couple days prior and there was concrete on one side of the ditch and grass on the other. nothing wrong with me!

its amazing to see how God wanted me soooo much on this earth and he stopped at nothing for it to happen. Satan came to rob me of life before i really had a chance at life... BUT IT DIDNT HAPPEN. makes me wonder what God has planned for me in the next 60 yrs of my life!!! exciting stuff!!!

Giving

2007-11-22T16:35:00.000-08:00

In my devotions for the past couple weeks, i have been reading Corinthians. The leadership team for our new night service are reading it together. a chapter a day. Its been really good to read. This week we have been Reading 2 Corinthians 8-15. I have been really challenged this week with giving. it has come up numerous times in the readings this week and its been pretty convicting.

2 Corinthians 8:7,8: Since you excel in so many ways—in your faith, your gifted speakers, your knowledge, your enthusiasm, and your love from us[c]—I want you to excel also in this gracious act of giving.
I am not commanding you to do this. But I am testing how genuine your love is by comparing it with the eagerness of the other churches.

2 Corinthians 9:6-10: Remember this—a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say,
“They share freely and give generously to the poor.
Their good deeds will be remembered forever.”
For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you.

Since being back in Australia i have been struggling with giving. I have been giving weekly in church, but i have found it a struggle to give and i dont give as much as i could. I think what the problem is, is that i feel that since i have lived in the slums for a year and lived with no money, its like God owes me something. and its a bit of selfishness. its my money, so i am not gonna give it back to God. i have had a whole year with no money. this theory is wrong and God was convicting me of this.

So I just hope and pray that as the church we will be the generous givers we are called to be.

Netball

2007-11-19T02:41:00.000-08:00

Never in my 10 yrs of playing netball have i almost gotten into a fight on the court!!! it was intense!!!

it was the 2nd quarter of our game which just happened to be the last that night as we were playing half a game against 1 team and half a game against another. i was GS and the GK was my player. now for all my Canadian/ American friends, netball is NON contact. u cant lean on or push your players.

this GK was leaning on me, so i gave her a bit of a nudge. she nudged me back which is all fine, cuz it happens... sometimes u get a little pushy with your player. but while i was taking a shot where she had to stand next to me out of play for doing the wrong thing, she nudged me. enough so the umpire wouldnt see and enough to try to make me miss the shot. now that is low. i turned around and said "now that is just bad sportsmanship" and do you know what she did. she pushed me and said "well i am sick of your **** (thats a swear word)" it would have been a fight but i just ignored it and ignored her.

afterwards we went to talk to the umpires about it and this umpire who i know and who doesnt like me turns and says " if you were down my end of the court Lisa i would have given u a warning for swearing." i said "excuse me, i dont swear"

she said " i heard it come from your mouth" and i said "well i dont swear" she didnt believe me.

the almost fight was bad, but she took a blow to my character. that is a massive one. for those who know me, i cant stand swearing nor do i think its right to swear. i have integrity when it comes to that, so it was a massive blow! it sucked so much. i have learnt that assumptions arent always right.... in fact, they are rarely right, so you shouldnt assume at all. word of advice for people DONT ASSUME!!!!!!

needless to say, it was an interesting night of netball!!!!

LIFE.....

2007-11-04T13:07:00.001-08:00

IS BUSY AND I AM TIRED.... WAY TOO TIRED TO BE OF MUCH USE TO PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.... THAT IS MY LIFE. OH AND I REALLY MISS MY CANADA FRIENDS. ESPECIALLY DENISE AND BECKY....

THAT IS ALL.

Words and people pleasing

2007-10-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

So work has been super busy recently for me. me and my dad have been out fitting houses every day (we put on security doors and fly screens and vertical blinds onto new houses). my job is to take care of the fly screens and the vertical blinds... its really not that much and i am always sitting around waiting for dad. so i took it upon me to learn how to do the sliding security doors. and i did that, so now i can help my dad do them. i also took it upon me to learn how to do the venetian blinds. and i did that too. so all i cant do now is the hinged security doors. it gives my dad less work and me more. which is good. yesterday we were at Bremer Waters, a place where we fit... its like a retirement village. and one of the old guys said to me and my dad how i should just supervise and make him do all the work... and my dad said "oh she does that all the time"... i am thinking what the heck... i just learnt this stuff, help him out and he comes back and says that. it hurt, i aint gonna lie. i was so frustrated cuz its like he didnt even acknowledge what i do.

but then i remembered Galatians 1:10- Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.

so i prayed over and over again that i wouldnt be affected by what my dad said and realise that God sees my work and thats what matters. and God affirmed me in that. and we dont need 2 people pleasers working together. yesterday when my dad said, he was trying to look good and impress the guy we were talking to. and he did, by putting me down. so i am not gonna get upset and try to please my dad, cuz that wont happen... well he wont admit when it does cuz then he wont be pleasing others by doing that.

so the moral of the story is.... words are powerful, they can bring people up or bring people down. BUT even when people do bring u down, remember that u r out to please God and not people. so today really think about what you are saying and whether they are words of life or words of death!

Missing Canada

2007-10-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

Ok so the past couple of weeks i have been thinking alot about my friends in Canada and missing them heaps. My friends in Canada know me soo well.... even better than most people here and they have seen me at my worst and at my best. That is what makes quality friends in my eyes. People who have a great love for me even when i am at my worst. So i have been missing them heaps. missing the hugs, the laughs, and just the time we always got to spend in each others presence. not just my session, but my 614 community, my New West community, my Cariboo community etc. so to all my friends, i cant wait to come over and see u... i love you all soooooooo much. big hugs!!!!

One other thing i have been missing about Canada is the war college in general. now i dont think i would ever go through war college again, it was super intense, but i miss the God times. My life has really picked up in Australia now and i am super busy. not as busy as i was in Canada, but i am pretty busy. the difference between my busyness in Canada and my busyness here is how much time i spend with God. in Canada, we were constantly chucked into classes to be with God, in the War Room to be with God, in situations on the street to pray to God. here in Aust, i dont get that opportunity. i have to make time and its hard. so i am really struggling with that.

On another topic, i went to my 1st funeral last week. it was a beautiful service to say goodbye to an amazing man of God from our church. Made me think of my friend Denneil and how it sucked that i didnt get to her funeral. i really miss her. God also spoke to me about life. life is short and if you arent a Christian, then you arent going to heaven. its a scary reality and it makes me realise we need to shine the light of God as if our life depended on it. cuz someone else's life depends on it.

And i am not at a stage where i am ok with death. i wanna live and achieve so much more, but i need to have more trust in God that when its my time, its my time. its not something i can control, so i just need to trust God more.

Busyness is lame!

2007-10-13T05:23:00.000-07:00

So a really random thing happened to me tonight..... I was driving from my house, to my friends house where i am house sitting and i just burst into tears.... i had been feeling a bit flat all day (not that anyone knew that! sorry i didnt tell u andrew). i was struggling. I had a feeling its cuz i havent had any considerable amount of time with God all week. i have been sooooo busy at work, that i would get out of bed, get dressed and walk out the door, work my day, come home and just crash. i have just been so exhausted. still i shouldnt be making excuses on the account of Matthew 6:33.... which i havent lived by this week.

it wasnt only that. i thought about 2 girls that came to youth last night.... They used to come when i was there before i went to Canada. absolutely beautiful girls... they are MY girls. they have slipped more down the road of destruction in the last year. and my heart just broke for them. and i want to be there for them and try to get them on the right path. But God clearly said to me that i cant be as effective in ministry if i am not spending time with him. and i agree. totally agree. i was thinking how i struggle so much with discipline... but my heart is breaking so much for these girls, i want to be as effective as possible. so i am gonna try to keep my discipline up of devos with my beautiful girls in mind.... you guys can pray for them too!!!!

Satan is an idiot and i am so sick of his deception!

2007-09-29T20:12:00.000-07:00

so being back is really great. i am still learning a bunch and God is speaking, its great! but Satan is always there to try to mess things up. and as usual, i have had a run in with him again and broken a lie off that he was telling me... what is the lie you ask?

well ever since i got back, i have been really conscience of how people see me. and Satan being the idiot he is has fed me this lie that people still look at me the same as when i left for the War College. and i dont want to be seen like that. i feel like i am constantly in another person's shadow and arent valued as highly as this person. so its been hard. but needless to say, that was all a load of crap and God showed me that today, which was awesome. and if people do see me like that, then they are gonna be really surprised when i rise up above who they think i am and thats their issue to deal with, not mine. my issue is to realise that i am valuable and people see me as valuable. and God showed me that people see me as a young woman now, through someone just saying to someone else today "she isnt a girl, she is a lovely young woman".

My good friend Denise told me this week that the way i am going to use my gifts effectively for the church body is to just be confident with them and dont be afraid to use them when u need to. that was a helpful word, cuz my gifts are kinda hard sometimes. and today in church, i got 2 words. 1 for someone and 1 for another person. these people have poured into my life, but today God called me to pour into theirs. its kinda scary but i obeyed cuz God called me. and i got blessed and they got blessed.

needless to say, church was amazing this morning!!!!!

Jesus, Let me sit at your feet

2007-09-20T03:31:00.000-07:00

I have had such a rough week this week. alot of things have factored into why i have and some of them i can control and some of them i cant. i can control how i react and act though. Today has been a good day, but the rest of the week has been a struggle. and thats especially in the devotions area. have been having trouble doing them. tonight i decided no matter what, i was gonna do it.... and this song came on the CD i was playing and its a beautiful, simple song. and what makes it better, is its a song my extremely good friend wrote and sang. its where i am right now... these are the words....

Jesus, Let me sit at your feet
Jesus, Let me sit at your feet

Let me wash your holy, precious feet
With my broken anguish tears
Let me come to you with all my pain
And simply offer you my life again.

Jesus, Let me sit at your feet.
Jesus, Let me sit at your feet.

absolutely beautiful song.... tonight i danced, i wrote a psalm, i cried and i drew a picture totally around this song. this is where i am at. i want to sit at Jesus' feet, but there are obstacles. busyness, laziness, exhaustion, confusion, the list goes on. but i want to, i REALLY want to. so i made myself tonight. i didnt pick up the word, cuz i needed to focus on Jesus for awhile without feeling the need to read. so i just sat and enjoyed Jesus. he is so great. i cant believe i let things of this world, stupid things come in and distract me.

and thank you to the person that wrote this beautiful song.... straight from the heart and definitely a song sent from God. I love you!

8 random things!

2007-09-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by Bec Head to complete this challenge so here goes...Rules for this 8 interesting things post:* Each player must post these rules to begin.* Each player starts with eight random facts or habits about themselves.* People who get tagged must blog about their eight things and post these rules.* At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. oh by the way BEC, i just knew u were gonna put my name at the end of yours, so thanks!

1) Did you know when i was about 4, i was running through the house looking for mum.... must have been running like a bull with my head down cuz i split my head open right down the middle cuz i ran into the corner of the wall. it hurt heaps. but i was soooo good when they were putting stitches in that i got 2 minties and 3 jelly beans!!!!!

2) I have an extremely bad habit of biting my fingernails.... you will see me do it the most when i am nervous or anxious. most of the time, on grand final day for netball, i will have no nails cuz i am soooo nervous or anxious.

3) I love netball!!!!! not only do i love playing, but i LOVE coaching. especially my little girls. i call them my little girls, but they arent really that little. currently the team i am up for coaching for summer season, they are like 15!!!! so they arent too little, but they have been my favourite team to coach so far and i absolutely love them to pieces!!!! I also dont mind umpiring that much. i love the power that comes with it. if someone is giving u crap on the court, u can tell em where to go.... its great!!!!

4) I did one year of uni in 2005.... alot of people dont know that cuz i am only 19 and they wonder where i could have fit it in cuz i went to Canada last yr.

5) I used to play backyard cricket and football with my brothers. i would rather have done that than play with my barbies. But i was such a girl, that when my brothers got me out when i was batting in cricket, i would chuck the BIGGEST tantrum. and alot of the time i would ref the rugby league games and when my brother Jason would do something super bad to Paul, i would call a penalty to Paul, cuz thats who i wanted to have the ball, but if you know league, whoever gets the penalty, loses the ball. i didnt know that!

6) I have a HUGE heart for my youth group girls. One day just before i went to Canada last yr, Jesse and I went and bought all this food and assembled it in a paper bag for all of our youth group kids and took them lunch at school... it was sooo much fun!

7) I almost got suspended at school once! My Maths teacher told my yr 8 buddy people to watch out for me and jokingly i said oh u better watch out for him. needless to say, he told the Dean of Students and i got yelled at for disrespecting my teacher. stupid teacher!!!!

8) I have an amazing wonderful boyfriend who loves me for me and thats soooo important to me. He respects me soo much and if anyone tried to do anything to hurt me, he would go after them!!! and i would love it if all girls out there just didnt date these loser guys out there, but waited for someone who loves them exactly the way they are and doesnt treat them like crap!

ok soo 8 people... i dont even think 8 people read my blog, but i will say: Denise, Alberta, Carlye, Caitlyn, Meghan, Becky, Matt E, and Steph!!!! ok now do it!

Life

2007-09-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

I dont even know what to title this blog. i have been putting off blogging cuz i can think of a bajillion things to blog about, but i decided to blog what is on my heart right now. I just had my quiet time with God for the day, something that has been somewhat lacking since i have been home. been caught up in busyness, but now that i am working, i can get into a routine of doing my devos.

I thought being home would be soooo much easier than being in Vancouver, but in some ways it is easier, but then in other ways, it is harder. Now that i have finished War College, i have to decide what i am going to do.... especially with the new year coming up (that is the start of everything in Aust for those who dont know that). But i have been avoiding the topic at all costs. Ever since i have been back, EVERY SINGLE PERSON i have had a decent conversation with has asked me what am i going to do now. and i dont know. and it put extra stress on me when people would ask that. like i need to know what i am doing soon or else i will have a yr of nothingness. so due to that stress, i havent talked to God at all about it. in fact, i havent talked to God about too much. And now i sit here in tears feeling like a bit of an idiot for not asking what he wants. i was reading 1 Samuel 9 today and Samuel has to pick a king for Israel. God gave them warnings about having a king and what would happen, but they didnt listen and said they wanted a king. and EVEN after that, God goes along with it, tells Samuel who to appoint as the king. God doesnt force us to do things, he gives us a choice. and i chose the wrong thing this time. i chose to ignore him and not ask for his input.

I know i want to study next yr, but the thought of being a poor student freaks me out. i hate it. and the agony over what to do study wise has stressed me out even more, but today i realised why. its cuz i have felt like i should be pushing for my career choice straight away, like i need to go study to be a youth worker and be employed as a youth worker ASAP. but i dont want to do that. and i felt pressure to do that. as much as i want to be a youth worker, i wanna grow more and do more ministry stuff at the church and learn more about my gifts and just stuff like that.

So i made a decision today.... i am going to put off my dream as a youth worker another year and i am going to go to college. Peter, my officer showed me a brochure for Planetshakers leadership college a few weeks ago and I think i wanna do it. if u wanna check out their website, go to http://www.pscbrisbane.com/site/default.cfm.

so thats me today... sorry its super long!

Back Home!

2007-09-04T03:39:00.000-07:00

Well i feel extremely settled. Some things havent changed here and some people havent changed, but heaps of things have changed and people have changed. i went to church on sunday and church has changed alot. One really cool thing i noticed is my church is packed full of people. another cool thing is that my Officer Peter was preaching and he isnt too afraid of being honest and he is somewhat blunt, but he does it in a loving way. its really cool.

i think maybe the negativity of some people around me (some of my extended family) has made me realise i am home and some people havent changed. its funny cuz i have been called some hurtful names in the past couple days, but u know what! i dont really care.... i just shake it off and remember how my father in heaven sees me!

i played netball tonight... hmm.... that was interesting. the team was really rough and if i moved too fast around certain players, i would have gotten injured. i played pretty below average! well for me anyway! but i gave myself a grace game. basketball has hindered me a bit cuz i go up to get the ball with 1 hand now and i need to go with 2 hands. and i keep my head down... so gotta work on that!

i also realised how differently i react to things... i dont get angry or frustrated in situations i used to and i see things differently now and stuff. its good. its all good. life is good. God is good. i am good. praise the Lord... but u can keep praying for me!!!!!!

Decisions, decisions, decisions

2007-08-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

So now that i am back in Brisbane and pretty much settling in nicely, its time to make decisions. i HATE making decisions. But i hate people making decisions for me, so the only person left to make them is me!!

I have a decision to make that if i go the way i believe is right, wont make my parents happy... dont worry, i am not moving away or anything. but just please pray for clarity for me and that no matter what, i am following God's will.

oh and my luggage did turn up!

Back home in the land of Oz

2007-08-29T23:25:00.000-07:00

well i am back... feels so surreal and weird all at the same time. i have already caught up with a few of my favourite people here, sooo many more to go. its great to be home though.

the flight home was good.... my luggage is somewhere... hmmm.... got left in LA, sad times! but i had some clothes back here and i packed a few pieces of clothing in my bags that made it. so i am good for a couple of days.

The Lord spoke a bunch to me on the flight from Vancouver to LA... i was crying cuz Becky wrote me a letter and made me miss everyone and made me super sad i was leaving. but then i was reminded of how much is awaiting me back in Brisbane and how God has already been opening doors for me. and i was also reminded of the scripture in Luke 9:

Now it happened as they journeyed on the road, that someone said to Him, “Lord, I will follow You wherever You go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” Then He said to another, “Follow Me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and preach the kingdom of God.” And another also said, “Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house.” But Jesus said to him, “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”

The bit that sticks out to me the most is the stuff in yellow.... the War College chapter of my life has officially closed. I cant keep looking back and longing for those times. Michael Collins touched on this in our faculty address time. But i know certain things at home are gonna be tough, but i need to not look back. i wanna take the lessons from War College, apply them and move on. move into the stuff God has for me here. So you guys can pray for me if you like!!! that would be helpful to me.

thats all for now... keep reading my blog cuz i will continue to blog.

Grad pics

2007-08-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

SOOOO WE GRADUATED!!!!!! I HAVE TO SAY, I LOOK PRETTY FREAKIN BEAUTIFUL ON GRAD DAY... BUT JUST TO PROVE IT, HERE ARE PHOTOS!!!!!!

Intercession is tough

2007-08-18T17:08:00.000-07:00

sooo the title is pretty self explanitory what this is going to be on. You know basically all year, i have been told i have this gift of intercession, where i can pick up on things around me and i denied it for a long time. and its only been in the last 6 months that i have decided i do have it and i will embrace it as a good gift from God. but it is tough, IT IS REALLY TOUGH. if you have this gift, you would understand how tough it is. and i am a real beginner at all this stuff, so i get sooo confused sometimes about what i am feeling cuz i dont know whether its me or whether its someone else. thats where discernment comes in, but then when i pray about the stuff that i am feeling, i doubt whether i am hearing from the Lord and not just making up what i want to hear or whatever. so this is a struggle that i have been going through. and this week i have just been super confused about how i feel.

But God is gracious and i believe he speaks to me, so i am believing in faith that everything i am feeling is not me, but other people as well. cuz thats what he has told me.... so i guess you guys could pray for me and pray for more clarity on how i am feeling.

i dont know why i wrote this blog.... guess to ask you guys to pray for me. oh and i go home in 9 days. thats exciting. and we graduate next week. thats also exciting. that is all for now... if you have any advice on intercession, please let me know!!!!

The tongue

2007-08-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

The past 2 weeks have been a reflection time on the past year. with graduation only 9 days away, we are getting extremely close to the end of war college. and i am relieved. War College has been amazing for me, but i am ready to go home. part of this reflection has been realising how much i have changed this year. and people back home would know that i always had a problem keeping my mouth shut. speaking before i think alot and stuff. but this year i have realised how POWERFUL my words are. they can either build up or bring down, when God calls me to give a word of correction, i need to do it etc. i have always had a problem with being a negative person. and God has been showing me the power that is in my tongue and what i say.

so the past 2 or 3 weeks, i have intentionally been trying to be less negative, more positive and speaking words of life. and i dont know whether I realise it more now, but there is so much negativity out there. people complaining about alot of different things all the time and to be honest it ticks me off sooooo much. it annoys me. and its helping me to realise how annoying it must be for others when i whinge about something or complain about something. there are worse things in the world than sooo much of what we complain about. we have a roof over our head, we have food, we are BLESSED!!!!

God calls us to be like Jesus.... while Jesus was getting brutally beaten, he wasnt complaining, yet we complain if we have to wake up an hour early or if we have to do something we dont want to do. while they were hammering those nails into his hands, he wasnt complaining. i am still working at not complaining, but I really think we ought to watch our words so that we arent complaining.

James 3 makes it extremely clear about our tongue and what should be coming out of our mouths. I encourage everyone to read it and the next time you want to complain about the bus being late, how about you think about the people in the world that are starving or something.

I AM BACCCCKKKKKKK!!!!

2007-08-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

so i havent updated the whole time i was in OOB.... it was a bad idea, cuz i could go on and on and on about how blessed i was in OOB and the amazing things that happened and all that stuff, but i am not going to.

everyone was a huge blessing to me. i got to hang out with the greatest people ever! so i thought i would encourage them all on here... hmm lets start with.....

Denise (my roommate)- I was sooo excited to see you! soooo excited. i had a great time with you and wouldnt of wanted to be there without u!!! you mean alot to me and i can see growth in you since i last saw u!!!! you are beautiful!

Kirsten (my roommate)- it was fun sharing a room with u.... a little... umm... interesting at times, but it was sooo cool to just hang out with you in the room. you really inspired me on the 1st night doing spiritual readings cuz you were so bold in the prophetic and you really heard from God. also encouraging to see u minister in French. even though u were nervous, u did really good.

Dan (my leader)- I really had alot of fun getting to know you better. you leadership was amazing and you always knew just how to encourage someone. you always looked for ways to bring unity to the team and looked for ways to bring people up. i appreciate your leadership alot!

Tara (my leader)- You always have that great balance between being an amazing leader and being mature, to just being silly. i appreciated soooo much the fact that you gave out so much grace to us, especially if we needed to sleep in and stuff. The day you guys prayed over me, the word you gave me was really really encouraging and i appreciated it sooo much. thanks!

Olivia (my nextdoor neighbour)- You inspired me alot this week. Just taking all those prayer room shifts at 6 in the morning was amazing. and you never complained about it. you always bought alot of energy to the group and it was fun to have someone that was my age... you are soooo beautiful, dont ever forget it!!!!

Xander (my fellow Australian)- You are a warrior.... your passion is just sooo evident and it rubs off on everyone else... as well as that, your laugh is soooooooooooooooo funny!!!! always made me laugh alot!!!!!

Steph (my fellow intercessor)- It was really cool to be able to tell you how i was feeling and at times, you would make me tell u... but it was good to have someone there who at times, were feeling what i was feeling. you are a good friend who i value alot!!!

Talitha (my singer friend)- can i just say you and Acacia are amazing singers... sooooo good. i really enjoyed watching you guys. it was soooo fun to hang out with you on the last night and just tell you a bit of my life and hear about yours.... it was awesome!!! i appreciate the friendship that we made!

Acacia (my other singer friend)- you are soooooo humble. you really do sound amazing and i am not lying. you had perseverence this week and that was inspiring. even though you had like no voice, you kept going. i love you heaps and heaps and heaps!!!!!!

thanks for being soooo amazing everyone!!!!!!

on a cool note, Janet Munn, amazing amazing woman. if you have met her, you would know. she adopted me as her spiritual daughter!!!! so thats really cool. she is awesome!

OOB Brigade

2007-07-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

So here i am sitting at the apartments in Vancouver awaiting our midnight departure for a 3.5 hr drive to Seattle (depending on the border) and then at 6:50am tomorrow morning, have a very long flight all the way to the other side of the states to Maine. I am going on a Brigade of 8 people. Me, Tara, Dan, Kirsten, Olivia, Xander, Acacia and Talitha. We also have Steph and Denise coming too, which is super exciting!!! so pretty much, for 8 nights we are doing prophetic evangelism on the beach.... we are doing what we call spiritual readings... we ask God for a word or picture for a person and prophesy over them. sounds simple hey? well i generally am not too confident in my prophetic gift. i know i can prophesy and stuff, but i am not too advanced. everyone else in the team is pretty advanced in this stuff, so i am sooo nervous and all night i have been playing the comparing game. i am not as good as everyone else on the team, what can i bring etc. its one thing that this week i have noticed i do alot... and i need to change that.

i am sooo glad Denise is going to be there, she has similar gifts to me, but she is advanced, so i know i am gonna learn alot off of her this week. i am sooo nervous though and i just want to be open to what God wants to say to me and the people i am ministering to.

so you can pray that i hear from the Lord, am open to what he wants me to say and also to receive rest as well.

2007-07-19T23:36:00.001-07:00

Sooo Monday night i was hanging out (really late!) with Marnie, the new officer at Xculture.we were hanging out in her kitchen and she told me this really cool analogy. its about boxes. and how often we can put people in boxes which doesnt leave room for them to grow. i was talking about my patience and my dads patience being very little and she was saying how i just put us in a box and havent allowed us to grow. (it was along those lines).

so it got me thinking about myself. and how people view me? so i am curious... how do people view me? think about it... how do u view me? I feel as though so many people (esp from back home) sees me as some netball chick. some chick who loves to play sport, who is just one of the guys. someone who is fun to hang out with. but to me, these are all boxes. while this stuff is good, there is sooo much more to me and i am ready to step out of those boxes and show ppl that i am an amazing woman of God!

if you told me i was a woman a yr ago, i would have laughed in your face. but now i want people to see me as a gentle, amazing woman of God who has sooo much to offer. who is not just good at sports, but is a good listener, good encourager, a prayer warrior, someone who is bold, someone who can lead, someone who people can look up to! thats who i want to be seen as... i am sick of ppl just thinking i am sporty and not much else. i am ready to step into the fullness that God has for me and that means growing up!

Pete (Marnie's husband) gave me some good advice tonight. about how all my life i have probably been stooping to people's levels of me, but now its time to rise to my expectations (prob not the best word but u understand) and live on the level that i want to and what God has called me to. and thats what i am gonna do... so if u think i am just some fun, sporty, netball chick... THINK AGAIN. i am a woman of God, a mighty woman of God.

Havent blogged for awhile... oops!

2007-07-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

hey guys... so i havent blogged in 1.5 weeks and thats pretty bad for me. normally i like to keep up with my blog on a regular basis and 1.5 weeks is too long. soo much has been happening since i got back from teen camp that i didnt really know what to blog on, but i guess i will just mention what has been happening:

1) We started our kids program here at Xculture called Kids Games and its been great. we had scottish soccer players teach our kids how to play soccer the 1st week... sooo amazing! they were great guys.

2) The officers for Xculture finally arrived and they are amazing people. Pete and Marnie are 2 people following God with all their heart and its great. Marnie has challenged me soooooo much to just really get into what God has for my life in the next 5.5 weeks here in Canada.

3) I have been challenged massively from Marnie and its been great. i have been made to think about where i am at and challenged to change and grow and i sooo desire to change alot of stuff at the moment. of course its also been super hard, and i have cried alot of tears, but its been great. Marnie is someone i admire and look up to alot.

4) This week i have done rations (or devos) 3 out 4 days this week. what a record!!!! and i am loving it!

5) I preached my first sermon at a church on sunday and it went fairly well. had some good feedback. so praise God for obediance and also praise him for giving me the words to say.

6) I am going home in 5.5 weeks. i am gonna miss my friends here soooo much but i am relieved that i am almost going home. its exciting!!!

well my life has been hard, but great the past 1.5 weeks. I hope and pray that God reveals more and more to me as time goes on.

Photos from teen camp

2007-07-08T22:39:00.001-07:00

Teen camp!

2007-07-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

Teen camp was amazing... i could go on and on about it. my girls were amazing and it was cool to see them grow heaps and heaps! there was reconciliation between Aysha and Crystal Lozie, which was awesome as!! best part of teen camp. i dont wanna go into detail about it, but i have added a couple of photos. here are a couple of my good friends.... Top photo is Carlye, me and Caitlyn... then in the bottom photo, the girl in the grey singlet and the black shorts is Jill Touzeau. they were the amazing women that i made friends with. some of the guys included Mark and Mike Touzeau and Mark Armstrong and Conner... ohhh i just miss everyone sooo much. i dont know what it is about this camp that makes me really really miss everyone. maybe its cuz i know i wont see any of these people for a very long time... and it makes me soooo sad.

God did amazing things in those teens. on Tuesday night, he called me to give a hard word to the whole camp about apathy and flirting during worship... that was hard but i was obediant and God did amazing stuff through it. also got to see some major reconciliation happen in the teen cell girls which really needed to happen. sooo much happened, not enough room to say it all.

activities were amazing.... mud wrestling, flour bomb war, paintballing etc. was awesome as!!!

sooo time for some more photos... lets see what i have here..... i will put more up, but we shall see what i have here. ok so 1st photo is some of the gang that came, the next photo is of kyle and mark touzeau and then the last photo is of conner.... amazing amazing ppl... should all get to know them!

Politics!

2007-06-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

Ok so for those of you who know me really well, u know i am not into politics at all and i think they are all a bunch of liars and we cant trust any of them. BUT.... i went to a council chamber meeting today. u will be proud to know, i sat through 4 hrs of a meeting and didnt fall asleep!!! i went to support Aaron and one of my teen cell girls Hannah as they were speaking at this meeting. the bulk of the agenda was 33 people speaking to the council to get them to give money to build the 3200 social housing units they PROMISED Vancouver when we won the bid for the Olympics. they promised this and now they are saying there isnt enough money to build all of these 3200 rooms/units etc for low income housing to eliminate homelessness.

it was really interesting cuz i actually got what people were saying and understood it cuz i see it everyday. Aaron and Hannah did a really really good job speaking on behalf of our friends down here, as did lots of other people. but to me, it wasnt really politics. this is people fighting the injustices.

i was very annoyed at some parts of it. the Mayor left for most of it, was not there to hear people. it just shows how apathetic he is towards this issue and its very sad. the chairperson was an interesting lady. it was funny, cuz from the start, she said it would go for recess at 6:00 if we are still going. when 6:00 rolled around, all the speeches were done, there were a few questions from the chamber ppl and then they would have voted. 30 mins longer, but she still wanted recess. one of the guys in there moved for a motion to not have recess but she was very adament in her prior agreement. in her words, she said " We already made a prior agreement to have recess, so we will have recess".... i am like "HELLO, WHAT ABOUT THE PRIOR AGREEMENT TO HAVE 3200 SOCIAL HOUSING UNITS BUILT!!!!". wish i could yell that out. pity they cant keep all their agreements, only the ones that suit them!!!!!

needless to say, it was really interesting and worthwhile!

Being Stretched

2007-06-25T14:16:00.000-07:00

well i have been sitting here for awhile thinking of what to say... and i thought i would just say 2 things:

1) I am at New West for a few days getting away from Xculture cuz i need more sleep than 6 hrs a night, so i am hanging out, chilling and relaxing at the officers house out here. its fun.

2) Thanks to my good friend Holly and her weekly update to the session, i have decided i want to be stretched more so i can grow more in Christ.

That is all... i dont know whether anyone actually reads my blog anymore, hmmm....

Our Father

2007-06-19T16:06:00.000-07:00

Well firstly, just a side note about my cat. he was spotted yesterday near our house but it seems he doesnt want to come home. maybe he just knows i am not there... he he. kidding. Pray that he comes home. then we will lock him in the house for awhile.

well yesterday i was at the Whites just hanging out with the kids and we were watching The Lion King. i dont think i have seen that since i was like 12 yrs old or something. obviously i wasnt a Christian, but now i have watched it from an older, more spiritual perspective and i never knew how spiritual that movie is. there was 1 line in it that fully got me and made me think alot. it was after Simba's father had died and Simba had just met that crazy monkey/babboon character who told him that his father was still with him and he ran out into the field and Mufusa came like a cloud. and this is what he said to Simba " YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN WHO YOU ARE."

One thing this year that i have been doing is finding out who i am in Christ. and its been an interesting journey. right from day 1 i have been learning new stuff about me and learning about my capabilities in Christ and my gifts he has given me and stuff like that. and sometimes i lose myself in the world, by longing to fit in and trying to be like everyone else. i forget who i am because i add myself to the messy big blob that is the world and i just kinda make myself fit in and look like everyone else. i am not set apart. when that happens, i totally forget truly who God is in my life.

so the moral of this blog is, DONT CONFORM TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND.

do you want to be in the big messy blob and forget your father or do you want to be set apart from the world, living truly who you were made to be and remembering your father?? i know which one i want.

The Bus

2007-06-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

I catch the bus ALOT these days... i think i catch it everyday almost. and almost everytime i catch the bus i get saddened by some people that i see on the bus. And i have seen alot of people on the bus in the past month. and today just took the cake. i saw 2 girls hop on the bus and they were probably 14.... i am not kidding. 1 was talking about moving out as soon as she turns 16, so obviously they were younger than 16. but they were making sooo many disgusting, sexual comments, every 2nd word was a swear word. they were teeny boppers. it was soooo bad. it made me really sad. these girls were 14. i really wanted to shake them or tell them to get over themselves and find something worthwhile in life. but i didnt and that was ok. God made it clear it wasnt my turn to talk.

some other bus experiences have included: lecturing these 2 15 yr old boys on how there is so much more to life than just doing drugs and telling them they will wreck their lives if they dont get on the right track, noticing how materialistic the world is, seeing fake people try to act all cool, gangster wannabes and seeing people who just act like they dont care.

if people dont care about life, what is the point? what is the point in being on this earth?

Timmy

2007-06-15T06:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i got a phone call from my mother to say that my kitty got let out of the house as usual yesterday morning and he never came home.

Soooo Timmy is missing and i am really really sad. thats all for now.

First time for everything

2007-06-13T06:40:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOG IS ESPECIALLY FOR MY FRIEND ANDREW!!! IN YOUR FACE ANDREW, I TOLD YOU QUEENSLAND COULD WIN! FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING AND THEY DID IT LAST NIGHT!!!! YAY GO QUEENSLAND!!!!

if u r Canadian, please dont worry about this blog.... if you are Australian, u will know exactly what i am talking about... well maybe not the ppl in Perth or Tasmania, but everywhere else has a fair idea!!!

Obediance

2007-06-10T15:30:00.000-07:00

All week i have been meaning to blog, but i have been a bit lazy and i have sooo much that i could blog that i get overwhelmed and cant choose anything, so then i dont blog at all.... maybe i should blog more often, then i could tell you guys more stuff that i wanna tell u. i know people dont like reading long long long blogs, so i try to keep it short as possible.

God this week has been teaching me more and more about obediance. and over the last few weeks, there have been quite a few times when i havent obeyed God, mostly with some little things. like on the bus, he will tell me to tell someone that they are beautiful or the other day he asked me to tell these 2 15 yr olds about how stupid and destructive their behaviour was.... keep in mind, i didnt know these people, so it makes me nervous. needless to say i did give those 15 yr olds a bit of a lecture. but i didnt tell the woman that she was beautiful. its just small things like that. this morning at church i went to the mercy seat and committed myself and told God that i would obey him because he knows better than me. but its one of those tough things to do sometimes. and not just in the little things, but i have to trust God is some of the bigger things too. i took a bit of a step of faith today... i dont really wanna mention too much about it... maybe later though. but i took it, so i am on the way to being obediant....

i think thats all i ahve to report... sorry i suck at blogging. i will try to blog more often!!!

Forgiveness and Grace

2007-06-03T15:46:00.000-07:00

This week has been an interesting week in regards to my beautiful teen cell girls. there has been some fights and arguments going on and mostly, it all come back to a lack of forgiveness and grace. so i have been thinking about this and thinking about how in general, as humans we have a lack of forgiveness and grace for each other all the time. and i have been looking at some bible verses on grace and forgiveness and contemplating how it applies to my life.

Ephesians 4:31,32 says: Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I have come to the conclusion that you need to get rid of all you bitterness and rage etc to truly forgive. i guess we all know that but this really applies to me right now. There is some unforgiveness in my life, and most of it springs from my bitterness and anger towards this certain person, because of what they did, i make the choice to be angry and bitter towards them, which makes me not want to forgive them. i need to work on ridding myself of the bitterness and anger before i can actually truly forgive this person in my life.

Letting go of the anger and bitterness is always the hardest step... however it is the first step to forgiving. i wish forgiveness was simple... and i wish i was better at forgiving.

1 week down

2007-05-27T12:46:00.001-07:00

so summer assignment is definitely underway and we have had a week of it already. my week has been fairly decent. definitely some ups and definitely some challenges. today i am not in a very happy mood.

i am doing a War Room shift and God is speaking to me, which is cool but i just wish i wasnt doing this war room shift out of a sense of duty because no one else would volunteer. my attitude isnt that great, cuz i should be doing this out of love and servant hood, but instead i am doing this cuz i was the last resort and everyone else said no. so i know my attitude has to adjust, but this is a community war room. it shouldnt have to come to the last resort to fill a shift. i think the reason why i am a last resort is cuz to get to the war room i need to either walk 40 mins or spend $2.25 on a bus ticket.

sometimes i wish there were some more people who are jumping at the chance to be in the war room, and not just leaving it to half the community or whatever. but i know i need an attitude adjustment when it comes to having to do shifts like this. God blesses people in the war room whether they are expecting it or not. but i am the one missing out when my attitude stinks.

And so it begins...

2007-05-23T17:41:00.001-07:00

So summer assignment has started. i am starting to feel it after my 1st day of warrior academy. for those of you who dont know what warrior academy is, its the home schooling program for the kids in the community aged like 2 onwards. but 1 day a week Domonic, who is 1 comes as well. so i have the privaledge of looking after the little kids all day and i love those little kids.... they are sooo great. but i am soooo tired as well.

i had a moment with Noah today ( he is 2 and sooo cute!). he wanted to see his mummy who was teaching the big kids upstairs... this is how our conversation went:

Noah- I WANT TO SEE MUMMY
Lisa- No because mummy is upstairs teaching the big kids.
Noah- BUT I WANT TO SEE HER.
Lisa- well you will see her soon
Noah- I WANT TO SEE HER NOW.

he was very stubborn about it. he even held onto the hand railing and wouldnt let go. now i was thinking, man are we as Christians ever that stubborn about seeing and talking to God? do we ever want to talk/see God sooo bad that if ppl try to stop us, we just keep going and going til they let us? Noah was sooo passionate about seeing his mum cuz he loves her soooooo much and cant stand to be away from her for ages.... is that wat its like for Christians? isnt that what its meant to be like?

next week is gonna be a bit hectic as Aaron is away and i have to organise and lead cells for monday, wed, thursday and friday. intense!

An interesting weekend.

2007-05-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

i have been very saddened this weekend by a couple of really poor decisions made by people around me. and not just this weekend, but in the last couple of weeks. like we all mess up and we make mistakes but a few people have made some HUGE decisions and its just not good. the enemy is working.

Leadership.... and a special message for my netball girls!

2007-05-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

Fullness was this past weekend. dont really want to talk about that in this blog, except for this one bit from it. this is the reason why i am writing this blog! We received prayer on Sunday, if we wanted it and someone prayed over me. they are a prophet and can hear from the Lord and one of the things she told me is that God has called me to be like Deborah. thats pretty sweet.

if u dont know who Deborah was, u can find her in the old testament in Judges ( 4 or 5) and she was a prophetess and a judge. she was an amazing leader!!!! so that was pretty cool and then it made me think of some other words that i have been given through the year. someone once told me i am like Simon Peter. the whole 'rock' anointing and he to was an a amazing leader. and then most recently i got told i was a young leader like Timothy.

last night i only realised that these all connect in a way. they were all leaders and they were all amazing leaders. its cool, cuz i fully believe God is trying to tell me i have a gift of leadership and there seems to be an anointing on my life. and that is pretty cool i reckon. but i think its a matter of stepping into my giftings and being open and willing to whatever God wants to do with my giftings and in my life.

and finally, my netball girls really want something on my blog to do with them. they are such great girls. i coached them last year to a premiership win!!!!!!! woo!!!! they are soooo amazing and they are beautiful. i miss them alot. so Sarah, Mina, Courtney, Beth, Mags, Kirsty, Claire, Erin and, Rebecca i love you all and i miss you soooo much. keep out of trouble and dont give Mel too much grief this year!!!!!!

Thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts

2007-05-11T01:03:00.000-07:00

It's 1am. i sit here having just finished cleaning my room cuz my beautiful roommate is coming home. but i cant stop thinking about tonight. it was such a crazy intense night. tonight showed me alot of things and it was good. Knee Drill was great!! Olivia gave a word of correction about how there is unconfessed sin in 614, so we spent some time in prayer and spent some time confessing to people. i confessed my sin to Jenea. the one i had to confess was lack of love. lack of love for my session mainly. and i hated confessing it and i hate the fact that this is a problem for me, cuz i dont want it to be. the people in my session are all amazing and all unique and all beautiful people. but even after i confessed to Jenea and she prayed for me, i still felt horrible. so i went and sat over in a corner and just cried alot. then Lynn, one of my session mates came over and i talked to her. i knew i had to confess bitterness to someone that i loved alot. its funny cuz this person doesnt come to knee drill too often and this is the first time in awhile they were there, so it was good.

so i went over to this person and confessed the bitterness and resentment i had felt towards her for awhile now and i cried the whole 20 mins i was talking to her. not just cuz of what i had to confess, but just talking to her made me realise something.

these last 3 months have been the crappiest, hardest, most growing months of my whole life and its just sucked sooo bad to have to live them. it started with my friend Denneil passing away, then Holly had to go home and just lots of feelings of rejection, lonliness and things like impatience, frustration and lots of tears were all part of my 3 months. i was sooo hard to live with, i feel kinda sorry for my session mates who had to walk through this time of life with me. but when sooo much change happened and all this stuff happened, God was the only thing i could rely on. it took me a little while to actually learn this lesson, but this is what God wanted to teach me. and i had to learn it, the hard way. if i could go back and change anything, i dont think i would.... well Denneil still being alive would be nice, but i probably wouldnt even change that. everything that has happened over this yr, esp the past 3 months was hard and crap, but i grew... ALOT. so i wouldnt change any of it. so confessing and talking to my friend tonight was sooo good and made me realise alot of stuff. and i received some more joy back into my life, so thats cool.

this blog is a bit all over the place, but i hope it makes sense.

Things that make me angry!

2007-05-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

there are a few things that are making me angry this week.... i believe its angry in a good way. first thing is injustices. the injustice of our broken elevator and the landlords total lack of care for the residents.... argh that annoys me. but he has soooo lost the case and he doesnt even know it. so that makes me happy.

domestic violence makes me angry. why cant men and women just have respect and love for each other? wat would drive a husband/boyfriend to beat up his other half? i dont get it. i am volunteering at Kate Booth House for the summer, which is a refuge for women who are running from domestic violence with their kids. its truly a refuge. i am not even allowed to tell ppl where it is, its that secret. i went there tonight for orientation and i am excited!! but domestic violence makes me angry!

young men ( teenagers) trash talking women. i was on the bus tonight and these 2 guys across from me were fully trash talking this chick they know and it made me angry. i swear smoke was coming out of my ears. they just thought they were sooooo cool trash talking this chick. argh made me sooo angry i wanted to just say something to them, but i didnt.

people just seem to have no respect these days and it makes me angry. we are supposed to imitate Christ, but humans suck at it. it makes me wanna cry.

Thanks Denise!

2007-05-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

Ok so i was looking at Denise's blog and this looked really fun. i hesitated doing it cuz my previous post i did yesterday and i really like it and want everyone to read that one too, not just this one. i am a Hillsong Junkie though, so it might come out with a little too much hillsong on it... ah well....

So, here's how it works:1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
This is my life as a movie soundtrack...

Opening Credits: Where is the Love?- Black Eyed Peas

Birth: There's gotta be more to life- Stacey Orrico ( thats just weird!!!)

Growing Up: Behind these Hazel Eyes- Kelly Clarkson

Waking Up: There is Nothing like your love- Hillsong United

First Day At School: Let it Rain- Michael W Smith soundtrack

Bad Experience: Stained Glass Masquerade- Casting Crowns

Falling In Love: Heart of Worship- Michael W Smith

Breaking Up: Crazy- Simple Plan

1st date: Better is One Day- Dont know who is singing it.

Prom: My Saviour- Krystal Meyers

Chase Scene: Don't Lie- Black Eyed Peas

Fight Scene: Set me Free-Planetshakers

Life's OK: Shout Unto God- Hillsong United

Driving: Salvation is Here- Hillsong United

Flashback: Set me Free- Casting Crowns

Loss of A Friend: He is Exalted- Don't know who ( how appropriate!)

Concert of a lifetime: For all you've done- Planetshakers ( havent ever listened to this song!)

Getting Back Together: Amazing Grace- dont know who by

Graduation: Awesome God- it's on Hillsong United by don't know who originally sang it.

Wedding: God is great- Hillsong ( told u i have alot of hillsong!)

Honeymoon: Majesty- not sure who by though

Birth of Child: Majesty- Planetshakers ( different one to the above Majesty)

Final Battle: Jesus your Everything- Planetshakers

Death Scene: Beautiful- Christina Aguilera

Funeral Song: The Way to Begin- Krystal Meyers

End Credits: Beautiful- Bethany Dillon

Bloopers: Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson

Deleted Scenes: One Desire- Hillsong

he he very very funny stuff.... u guys should try it!

Its all about Love this week!

2007-05-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

Isnt this picture soooo cute! God has shown me alot this week about love. not only love in my life right now, but how much i have grown to see and understand the love of God over the past 8 months!!

When i came to War College, i thought i understood the love of God and how much he really loved me, but i didnt. when i came to war college, i realised that Jesus and I were only really acquaintances. i knew that he loved me, but didnt really KNOW. well over the past 8 months, Jesus has taken me to new levels in love. the next level that we went to was being friends. he showed me that he loved me and i understood it, but didnt really embrace it or place too much emphasise on it. i still didnt have any love for myself. his love for me didnt change the love i had for myself. so after awhile, the next level he took me to in his love is best friends. he was showing me that he has this unconditional love for me and it was really beautiful. i could hang out with him and he would just encourage me and his love started making a difference on how i saw myself.

for the past few months, he was showing me his love as a daddy. he loved his little girl with all his heart and he made me feel beautiful. he showed me that there was nothing i could do that would make him love me any less. he made me feel special, like a daddy is supposed to do and he really touched my heart. well since Monday, he has been showing me how he loves me like a lover and desires intimacy with him. all year i have never been interested in reading Song of Songs but this week i have been meditating on Chapter 2.... its sooo special and he wants intimacy with me. so its a pretty huge thing that i have grown in and its soooo beautiful. I just love Jesus sooooo much and desire more and more intimacy with him!!

Song of Songs 2:16 says: My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.

Praise the Lord, I AM HIS AND HE WANTS ME!

Saturday

2007-04-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

oh man fun fun fun times.... it sucks that not our whole session could be there for our outing to Denny's, but we did pretty good with 9 of us there. soooo much fun. it was becky's last saturday before she leaves, so we thought we would head out to lunch. i thought i would just post some photos and that can tell some stories.

so I have come to the conclusion that a) our session looks just plain hot in that first photo

b) i have a HUGE mouth

c) the boys r just plain weird

d) the girls r sooooo pretty!

but it was the best time ever. it was just sooo good to bond with the session and just have a time where we r just having fun together and not having to do anything War College!! as for becky leaving, its really sad. i am gonna miss her soooo much. i love her like she is my sister. so it will be hard to see her go, but i know she will be back... well for 2 weeks in August! i love you becky!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2007-04-27T15:28:00.000-07:00

dont u hate it when u write a blog and then it disappears. that just happened to me with this blog, so i will start again.

Today has been a good day. we had holy space this morning and despite the fact that most of us dont like holy space, this one was a good one. we spent the whole time just encouraging one another and building each other up. then we had a discipleship party at Starbucks because it was our last one together cuz Becky is leaving next week. that was fun.

then i was waiting for the bus to come to teen cell and as i was hopping on the bus, some of the kids that come to Mac school program hopped on the bus with me. these kids need alot of love and while i was trying to love on these kids, they were calling my friends in the Downtown Eastside junkies and saying that, that part of town is a zoo. it made me really sad and upset for my friends and its hard when u get frustrated while trying to show patience and love to these kids but they r downing my friends. i eventually just told them to show respect and that these people are real people too and to not call them that. then they just laughed at me. *sigh* the joys of working with troubled kids.

Missing home!

2007-04-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

ok so how cool is my little picture thingy that Becky made for me at Christmas. it is currently my wallpaper on my computer!!! every single one of the people in this photo ( except becky), i am missing sooooo much. i am just missing home at the moment. i think there are a couple of reasons why i think i am missing home. 1) because i go home in 4 months and being here for almost 8, 4 seems not long at all. i feel soooo close to the end that you get to a point where u wish time would speed up and you could go home. 2) i am growin at the moment and growing requires some pain and endurance and i am having a bit of a rough time and i know i could always count on my friends to help me up. but thats not what God wants. he wants to help me up. he is teaching me to rely on him more. and its hard, very hard, but i know it will be worth it.

the last time i missed home soooo much was at Christmas time. its kinda like that but not to that extent. and the past few nights i have had a few dreams about friends back home and stuff, so its been interesting. so i know not many of my friends read this back home, but i love you all and i miss you soooo much!!!

Intercession

2007-04-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

For most of the time that I have been here in Canada ( 7 months), i have been told that God has given me the spiritual gift of intercession. and if u asked me before i came here, what was the one gift that i didnt want, i would have said intercession hands down. for so long now i have been trying to figure out this gift. because i pick up other people's hurt, pain, and feelings. not always are the feelings bad, but when you are down here it can get a bit intense. when i went to Knee Drill last night i was feeling really down and discouraged. i knew exactly why, but there was definitely more there. and i couldnt pin point exactly what was going on, all i wanted to do was cry. and i knew it wasnt my own stuff ( Praise the Lord for having some sort of discernment happening!). Then Dan, who was leading the worship played this song... dont ask me what its called, what the lyrics are but it was powerful. it was talking about crying out for the lost and the ppl on the street.

and for the next 10 mins i wept. and i knew exactly what it was. On Tuesday nights, i preach once a month at a women's rehab centre and i met this woman there on Tues night and she was praising God cuz she was saved from the streets etc. then yesterday ( not even 2 days later), i found her on the streets again. thats why i felt discouraged, but i was interceeding for her. i was feeling her pain, was feeling God's pain, and i was crying out for her, cuz she was lost to come home. it was intense. but it was sooo good. i have never cried out like that for anyone before, so it was a new experience, but it was powerful and amazing!!!

for so long now, i have not liked the fact that i have this gift cuz i couldnt discern what feelings were mine and what werent, so i would just assume they were mine and i couldnt understand the gift. but now that i am starting to understand it more, its a powerful, amazing gift to have and i really feel blessed that God has given this gift to me!

This past week

2007-04-15T23:10:00.001-07:00

This past week has been a very intense week for me. alot of tears, alot of hurt, alot of not fun stuff.... and thats life sometimes and i know that God is using every situation to help me think and grow. so its amazing how he does that. however this week has not been easy at all.....

see i have been disconnected from my emotions and disconnected from my session and its been hard. and this week was hard cuz i received quite a few blunt, honest, harsh words from someone really close to me and i didnt receive them well at all. but i have been thinking about some of the stuff my friend said and you know what... some of the stuff she said was right. i have been spending too much time putting the blame on other people that i havent stopped to examine my life and my heart and see what i have to do to change. another thing that she said was that i was letting things affect me that shouldnt affect me. for the past month i have been letting everything get to me, and even if it wasnt something bad, i would make it out in my mind that it was bad. and on Friday i was thinking about why i would do that. and i guess the only thing i can think of is that before holly left, i knew it was gonna be hard for me and i would feel lonely and i had no faith that the session would reach out to me... so i already have this negative thoughts in my mind, so in a way i made it come true. now that this is happened, i just dont know where to go. i feel like i am at a dead end street, with nowhere to go. i have put myself in this situation and i dont know how to get out of it....

i have been lacking intimacy with the Lord (again, that is my fault) and struggling to hear him, so it makes it especially hard cuz i am finding it hard to reach out to him cuz i cant find him at the moment. so here i am, at a dead end street feeling like there is nowhere to go. so where to from here? i dont really know. i guess the process of getting back to a good place has started with me trying to reconnect myself with the session. on Friday night i spent 1.5 hrs with Dawn in the WR and that was really valuable to me. then i went to Metrotown with becky and matt on sat and then today some of us watched a movie.

I am still trying to process some of the stuff my good friend told me.... but i think i have to let go of any hurt that i am feeling and realise that she does this because she loves me. she tells me how it is because she wants and desires to see me grow. she never intends to harm me, and i know that. just need to walk out in it.

so where to from here??? any ideas???

sorry if this blog is a bit messy... i just cant get my thoughts straight bout my life... its annoying!!!!

Some days you are soo over it

2007-04-10T16:39:00.002-07:00

Some days at War College ( not all!) but some you kinda get over it. over everything. over being round the same ppl day in day out. over getting up at 8:00 every morning and going to class to pray the bible, over eating harbour light food, just over everything. Now today has been a good day, but i am also over a few things.if you are in War College or have been in war college, you can definitely say that you do have some of those days!!!

but i am only over a couple things, exclusivity. that is the main one. i was discussing this with a friend of mine and we just dont get why there is so much exclusiveness. and it is noticable around here everywhere. and i am just sooo over trying to be included into the exclusive groups and trying to break certain cliques up.... i am just over it. this stuff really causes a bit of tension in community, but no one knows what to do bout it. argh it just makes me soooo mad that ppl are also unaware that they are exclusive. they need to WAKE UP AND TAKE A LOOK AT THEMSELVES!!!!

on another note, we had class today about Holiness, it was really good. i am starting to understand this whole holiness thing a little bit better. still not entirely sure. i also spoke my mind on a topic which was cool. getting better at being honest so thats good too. God is good.

2007-04-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

man i got major conviction on Monday. every monday i do this program called mac school. and its tough stuff... i find it really hard to love the kids. these kids most days have absolutely no respect.

anywayz, joshua got hurt and he had a little scratch on his knee and there was no one in the office, but i found a teacher and she fixed it up and we got talking. she teaches one of our little girls, one of the hardest girls to take care of u will ever meet. and i said "how do you do this every day, i come here once a week and thats plenty for me. i just cant do this, how do u do it?" and she said " we just love the kids. all of the teachers just love these kids and wouldnt want to be anywhere else." oh SNAP! i dont even know whether this chick is Christian, but if she isnt oh man, she just fully outdid me in the love department. i just got fully convicted about loving these kids. i need to love them.

but in all fairness, i didnt choose to do this program of kids ministry!!! so i blame denise on that one! she assigned me there.... its all your fault Denise!

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-04-02T20:22:00.001-07:00

he he.... becky and i were being stupid with the camera and this is who i apparently look like!!!!!! sooooo funny!!!

DTES is weird!

2007-04-01T16:43:00.000-07:00

during street combat this week i got told i have a big nose. and then today when i went to the store to buy diet coke i got asked whether i have gained weight. oh man if i have to live up to the worlds standards i am stuffed with my so called 'big nose' and my so called 'gaining weight'. lucky i am not living up to those standards!!!! he he! i was bored on Friday night so i took some pics of myself.... here are some of them ( just for those of u who dont get to see me!!)

dont i look soooo hot!!!

oh and i dont normally post 2 days in a row, so sorry that my posts are sooo close together at the moment!

Does anybody care?

2007-03-31T11:46:00.000-07:00

Does anybody actually care? that is the question on my lips. i have had a really hard week. just with holly being gone and that really sinking in, its been hard. and for those of u around me that see me, know that this is a tough thing for me. but does anybody actually care? has anybody bothered to come see me this week just to say hey and see how i am going? NO. has anybody asked me whether i am ok when clearly something is wrong? NO. has anybody extended their hand to me to help me out this week?NO.

and its hard.... its really hard. i dont like asking for help and i am getting better, but sometimes i just need that little bit of help from others. community is designed so that we are there for each other and so that when someone else is struggling, we can help them up. when someone else is hurting, we pray for each other. especially this community. if u have been in this community or seen this community, u know that it is designed for this. so why am i not seeing this? why is it so hard for everyone else to come and knock at my door to say hi and make sure i am doing ok. i dont have answers to these questions, all i know is that i am struggling and no one has lended their hand of support to me.

Legalistic or just following the rules?

2007-03-30T02:11:00.000-07:00

hey everyone,
this is one where i need people's opinions. i am curious as to see what people think. so we have this rule at war college where we arent allowed junk food during the week. and i got really convicted of not following that rule so this week is my 1st week of actually following that rule. cuz i mean, a rule is a rule right?

so its friday morning, early morning ( 2:12am to be exact) and i had one of those foot long fruit roll thingys and i opened it and i am like "wait a minute, this is junk food isnt it?" to one of my session mates and she is like "yeah but u can have junk food on fridays" and i am like "yeah but after we finished fasting, then we can have junk food" ( technically the start of our weekend is 3:00 when we finish fasting). and she is like " but its friday and you are allowed junk food." and i am like " not yet, only at 3:00, cuz thats what the rule says" and then said ( i think kinda half jokingly) "ok if u wanna be all legalistic about it".

i dont think i am being legalistic, i think i am just following the rule. cuz i am intentionally breaking the rule and being very aware of it, and i havent got a reason to. just cuz i have some junk food in my hand doesnt mean i should eat it. there is a fine line between legalism and breaking rules. and i think too often we call following rules legalism and we call legalism following the rules. how do u know where that line is?

so what do u guys say... was i being legalistic or was i just following the rule?

Sold out for God.

2007-03-26T11:03:00.000-07:00

For the past couple of weeks God has been speaking to me about a couple of hard topics. and one of them is about being completely sold out for God.... and i have been giving a couple of hard hitting verses to go along with this thought.... and they are:

Luke 9:61,62- Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-bye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

AND......

Luke 14:25-27- Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

These verses have been hitting pretty hard. For me, it was hard to move to Canada, and thats just for a year. When i go home, it will be different and stuff, but i am looking forward to going home. i love my friends and i love my family and there is no other place i would rather be than in Brisbane. I want to be completely sold out to God and that means if God tells me to move away again, i need to be willing to. I need to get to that place of saying God is all i need and i know that he will provide friends for me along the way. God is a faithful God and i need to hold onto that. There is a part of me that is really insecure and is scared that once i move away from people, they wont be my friends anymore and i dont wanna think about that. the friends i have are friends for a reason and thats because i love them heaps and heaps.

But i wanna be sold out for God and trust that he knows best.... and i am coming to that place.... still not there, but i am coming to that place. needless to say, these verses are soooo hard hitting and very hard to read, but it is God's word and i need to take it as that and just trust God.

2 wrongs dont make a right

2007-03-22T13:42:00.001-07:00

So i am sure everyone heard this saying, especially when they were a kid. my parents always said it to me, but its only been in the past 3 yrs that i have really been thinking about what this means and yesterday it came up again. In cell, we got onto the topic of capital punishment. now i think capital punishment is wrong. i have come to this conclusion not only on m own opinion, but i believe its biblical as well.

in Exodus, the 10 commandments were written and about the 7th one says 'Do not murder'. the definition of murder to me is taking someone else's life. so capital punishment is murder because we are taking what i believe belongs to God ( whether someone lives or dies) and using our free will.

now where does the 2 wrongs dont make a right come in? in cell, someone said that if someone else goes and murders and innocent child or something, they should be put to death. but i fully believe that 2 wrongs dont make a right. 2 murders doesnt make the situation right. in Romans 12:19 it quotes a verse from Deut 32:35 which says " do not take revenge my friends but leave room for God's wrath. For it is written 'it is mine to avenge, i will repay', says the Lord."

so how does murdering another human being leave room for God's wrath. we r taking matters into our own hands. so in saying that, i think capital punishment is wrong!! what does everyone else think???

RAW

2007-03-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

well we are almost done RAW and i am really tired. this time tomorrow, we will hopefully be finished. dont get me wrong, i luv RAW, but if it went for a couple of weeks, i definitely couldnt handle it. someone said to me today that she has seen me blossom over this week and that conferences are really my thing and they bring out the best in me. i agree. i have had a great time and really felt that this is my thing. i do this well.

one thing RAW has really taught me is that we are constantly pouring out, we need to be filled up. this week has been all about the teens, everything is for the teens, not for me. so when i do get a spare 30 mins, i come to the War room set up here and just lay in his presence and just soak up some Jesus. its been really beneficial.

the best thing about RAW has been the missions and cells. my group is amazing. i knew i was getting the group from Cariboo Hill before they came and i didnt really know them, but i knew they were the guys that like to dress like homeboys who sit up the back of the church. i was a bit nervous to be honest, but these guys are really cool. they are really good guys who have good hearts. their exterior may look a bit hard and intimidating, but they are not at all. its been enjoyable to see these guys fully step out of their comfort zone to talk to strangers that are totally out of it. its beautiful. these guys are capable of soooo much.... i just wish they could see how much potential they have as well. so its great. now that they actually know me, they will notice me at church!! yay!! he he.

so its been an exhausting week, but very much a good one. i have been given alot of responsibility this week in stepping up in leadership stuff.... like making sure all the meals flow and everyone gets food and sits down in an orderly fashion... also making sure ppl dont go into the auditorium when they arent allowed. kinda like security. its been fun!!!!

2007-03-18T10:50:00.001-07:00

ok so Holly left on Thursday afternoon. left the room at about 5.05pm. not even 5 mins after she had gone, i was like to Juan, " u know what i feel like... Mcdonalds"( i think it was the whole comfort food thing, was kinda funny, i had just lost my roommate and wanting Mcdonalds)!! but not as funny as what juan did almost as soon as Holly left the room.... here is some photo evidence of what he was doing....

he is one strange boy. note the skirt and the jacket is clearly not his!!! and the ugly vegetales thing he has in his hand, not his either. he was missing Holly soooo much that he decided to BE holly!!! kinda scary hey!!!

oh and notice Matt E in the background in shock of what Juan is actually doing. was quite an eventful afternoon on Thursday!

I WILL MISS YOU HOLLY!!!!

2007-03-15T17:21:00.000-07:00

these are photos of me and my beautiful roommate. Holly is sooo great. i love her and am gonna miss her sooo much. oh and there is 1 photowith Juan in it. he isnt my roommate, just so u know!!!! so here they are:

2 completely different, unrelated topics

2007-03-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

hey there again.... seems weird to be blogging so close to my other blog, but i really wanted/needed to!!! 2 completely different, unrelated topics came up today. both really kinda annoying actually.

This morning i went to class and someone was singing a song. and i like "that song is so boring". and ppl are like "WHAT THE HECK, I CANT BELIEVE YOU THINK THAT SONG IS BORING." and then another thing came up ( which i cant remember what) and i pretty much got the same response. sometimes it feels like if u dont like the same stuff as other people then there is something seriously wrong with u. the way ppl sometimes make me feel is that i should like all the same things as them. should like THEIR music, should like THEIR type of food, should like THEIR type of movies etc....

well i hate it. i hate when ppl always make me feel this way, so annoying. who wants to be all the same as someone else anyway!!! thats just lame. and frankly, i dont wanna like stuff just cuz other people like it, and i dont expect ppl to like all the same stuff as me. i dont expect my North American friends to like vegemite, cuz that would be asking too much!!! so thats my little frustration today.

on a much sadder note, my roommate is leaving tomorrow. thats right. TOMORROW. she just found out today thats when her flight is. i am really upset. cuz i am gonna miss Holly alot. she is an amazing friend of mine. but also, i feel like one of my biggest fears is coming true. i am so afriad to be alone. and yes, u can give me all that christianese talk about how God is always here with us etc, and i know God should be the only one we need, but come off it. i mean he created community for a reason, to be there for each other. and yes, i have a wonderful session who loves me, but they clearly arent in my room at night. i just feel like i am going to be alone. i feel as though i may even start isolating myself. if something is wrong, Holly knows and she is here, so i talk to her alot bout it, but if something is wrong and there is no one round, i dont think i will be sorting out ppl just to lay all my problems down. but at the same time, i know there is a lesson for me somewhere, i just hate it right now. so Holly, i luv u sooooooo much, and i am gonna miss u heaps and heaps!!!!!!

Satan is a retard

2007-03-13T22:08:00.000-07:00

well i had a really crappy week last week. it just didnt go so well and that really sucks. but do u know what? i allowed some of the stuff to happen because i felt as though Satan had a field day with me. last week at Cariboo, i think i posted bout this, but Heather pointed out a fear of failure in me and that i needed to deal with that fear of failure. so i am like sweet i will.

but last week, i did not deal with it. instead i let satan walk all over me and he pointed out many areas where i have failed, so it was hard cuz i felt like a bit of a failure, but i shouldnt have. its pretty stupid.

but on Sunday night, i went to Cariboo and had a pretty great night at Cariboo. we watched the whipping scene from passion of the Christ. well ppl that didnt want to watch it went into another room and just prayed. that was me. there was about 7 ppl that were in the room and just prayed. i had an amazing night cuz God spoke to me in a huge way, i to pray over like 2 ppl and speak sooo many words of wisdom into their lives and i even got prayer. so it was an amazing night, cuz i also got to work in my giftings by interceeding for ppl which was cool.

but God just kept telling me over and over that i was worth it and i am worthy and it was cool. i got prayer cuz i was feeling guilty cuz of some stuff, so i got some prayer off someone at Cariboo and that was really cool as well. so i had a good night.

on a not so good note, found out today that Holly ( my roommate) has to go home cuz her mum only has a few weeks to live, so i am really upset about that. bout her mum dying and bout losing my roommate. its funny how God works, cuz out of everyone in the session, i am the one that hates being alone and wants to always be round ppl, so its gonna be a huge stretch for me to be alone. so please send some prayers up for holly and her family.

Drill

2007-03-10T15:35:00.000-08:00

ok so i havent blogged all week, probably have more important stuff to say than this, but i really wanted to blog about this.... the other stuff from this week can just be kept in my journal.

ok i really dont like Darren Hailes right now.... dont get me wrong, i luv him soooo much. he is like a brother to me. i just dont like him. this morning we have a thing called drill, which is where we go out and we just play sport as a session. i love sport, so i love drill. the biggest reason i like it is cuz its a time when our session just forgets bout everything and just relaxes and has alot of fun just mucking around and just having fun together.... not this morning though. i hated drill.

darren was in charge of drill and he made us do this lamo circuit thing. and in Acacia's words, i will say it felt like we were training for the Olympics. it was not much fun at all. i hate drill this morning and i have come to the conclusion that if we have to do anything like that again, i am not going to drill.

but seriously, darren is a great guy and luv him heaps and heaps and he really looks out for me. just gets carried away when it comes to things like Drill. so love you Darren, just didnt like you today at all!

on another note, i am hoping to come home for like 1.5 weeks in June for a wedding, but i need some serious funding. so if anyone wants to help out with some money to get me home, it would mean the world to me. just email me at lollypop_74@hotmail.com

just some more photos

2007-03-06T01:35:00.000-08:00

just some extra photos of me and jesse, arent we hot!!!!!! read the post below for more info.

My Reading Week

2007-03-04T22:16:00.000-08:00

Well, if you didnt know, reading week was this past week and it was an amazing week. quite a few eventful things happened.

Firstly, my mum came on Saturday and i was soooo excited. it was soooo good to spend some time with my mum. we went up Grousse mountain and she took me shopping for new clothes ( she bought me ALOT of clothes) and took me shopping for food and totally fancied out room up, it was cool. it was great to spend some time with her and hang out.

next, jesse came. thats her in the picture with me!!!!! we had soooo much fun together. i have missed her heaps and it was great to have someone from home here to just chat to bout war college stuff cuz she just gets it. we r doing totally different stuff but she just gets it. she gets what i am going through, its cool. we had such an amazing week together, she is such a cool friend. i wouldnt have wanted to spend the time with any other friend. i love her to pieces. i am gonna miss her when she has to head back off to Charlotte, but it was really refreshing to have her here.

another interesting thing happened.... tonight we went to Cariboo Hill corps and it was such a good meeting. Michael Collins was amazing tonight and he preached amazingly and i really felt like i needed to ask someone to pray with me, so i asked Heather ( chick from Cariboo Hill) to pray with me, cuz i just felt like i sucked as a Christian. i couldnt get disciplined with my rations, i couldnt spend a long time praying, i couldnt love the people like i wanted and i couldnt be the friend that they needed. Heather pointed out that there is a fear of failure over me and that it needs to be broken off.... we prayed through that. another interesting thing.... this chick doesnt really know me, but she is cool told me she has a huge sense that i have a gift of intercession. she is only the 50 bajillionth person to tell me that!!! its huge. i think its confirmation that i have it. so we prayed through some stuff and it was cool.

all in all, its been an amazing week of spending time with my mum, hanging with jesse and having such fun times with her and sight seeing and reconnecting with God. i say thats a pretty flippin amazing week!!!!!

Oh, one more thing

2007-02-26T23:55:00.000-08:00

please dont just read this post, but also read my FEAR post below......

so the issue was kind of addressed that i discussed earlier in my blogging, but i felt as though i was one of the most unpopular people in my session on friday Feb 23rd at 9:30am!!!!!

FEAR

2007-02-26T23:22:00.000-08:00

ok so i have a confession...... i admit that i do partner with fear quite alot and i know fear is not of God, but sometimes i partner with it. not a good thing at all. and tonight was one of those nights....

I was walking from the hotel i am staying at with my mum on Robson street back to the Empress as i had a war room shift to do. it was like 10:00 when i left my hotel on Robson. now its a good 15 minute walk to the Empress.... and i have to tell you that there was quite a bit of that journey where i was quite fearful. funny thing is, it wasnt in the Downtown Eastside, Canada's poorest postal code that is very dodgy, but it was in the 'normal' part of town. it wasnt until i hit Hastings when i calmed down a bit and felt a bit better. i dont get it. why would i be sooo fearful in the 'normal' area, but yet not fearful at all walking past homeless, drug addicts, drug dealers and prostituted people. i cant even explain it. maybe its cuz i am familar with my area, maybe its cuz the streets are packed... i really dont know. i cant explain it. anyone got suggestions??? cuz i sure as heck dont understand it.

Just some thoughts and questions

2007-02-21T11:58:00.000-08:00

So i am in a bit of a situation at the moment. and i am not sure what to do about the situation, whether it needs to be addressed or whether i should just pray or whether i should just leave it, i really dont know what to do. this situation has been bugging me for a few days now and getting me really down, so much so, that i just cried in Pray the Bible this morning. now i shouldnt be letting it get me down this much, but i do. i just dont understand. so pretty much, there have been ppl making me feel bad and it gets me really down. but if i talk to the people involved, then there could be a whole other issue come up and alot of pain could be brought out. but if i dont address the issue, i am still feeling bad. i know this probably makes no sense to anyone ( except maybe becky and denise cuz i have talked to them about it), but i just needed to get my feelings and thoughts out there.

so what do i do? leave the situation and continue to feel bad or address the situation and possibly bring up about alot of pain and hurt that i dont wanna have to go through?? i just dont know whether i am ready for that.

LOVE!

2007-02-19T05:56:00.000-08:00

Ok so i havent posted in awhile.... i have been busy doing the War College thing and i want to post about alot of things, so i will but i am gonna break it up into a few things and start here... so make sure u read all of them, they are going to have all important stuff in them for me.

so i have been wrestling over the weekend with love and the greatest commandment which says:

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these."

the reason i have been wrestling with it is cuz i am preaching on Tuesday night to a bunch of beautiful women who are in rehab at the moment at a place called Homestead. ( for ppl back home in Brisbane, its like the female version of Moonyah)

And i broke the sermon up into 3 parts.... 1) Love God, 2) Love others and 3) Love yourself. i am still on the first and i have been praying about it and looking at it and i have come to the conclusion that the main way you can Love God with EVERYTHING you have is to SUBMIT everything you have. it seems pretty obvious. but i mean seriously, the world would look at this and think its crazy. it is kind of a weird thing. the way you love God with everything is to submit...

but i would love to hear from others cuz i am clearly not perfect and not always sure whether i am right.... but am i on the right track with this??

well back to wrestling with it some more!!!

Denneil

2007-02-10T10:06:00.000-08:00

Just a quick side note about Denneil. I received an email from my friend the other day and she went to Denneil's funeral and there was almost 1000 people at her funeral!!!!! She made a pretty amazing impact for only being 20 and having that many ppl turn up to the funeral!

Bit of a rough week,

2007-02-08T16:13:00.001-08:00

Well as some of you know, i have had a bit of a rough week. Probably have to say its been one of the roughest of my life. On Sunday night got hassled by this guy at the bus stop big time. like he wouldnt leave me alone. i was very scared and stuff. so it put alot of fear on me and i think i received some of the fear, i didnt just let it brush off me. so i have been battling that all week. on Tuesday night, i couldnt even do street combat, just because i was scared to talk to people, so thats been my battle. another battle has been sickness. i have had a cold since sunday night and have been pretty sick.

Also havent been sleeping very well at all. I think the event on sunday night really affected me, so its been affecting my sleep.

I guess the hardest thing for me has been learning that my good friend from uni Denneil passed away on Sunday. I only found out yesterday afternoon ( wednesday afternoon) and it hit me really hard. i have never lost anyone in my life before, so its been hard for me. She was only 20 and married for only 2 months. above is a picture of her. but this is my little tribute to Denneil, so i am going to say just a bit bout her here....

She devoted 20 years of her life to God. never once did she turn away and never once did she ever 2nd guess God. she always knew he reigned. She was the best example in my life of how a Christian is supposed to live. she was one of the most godly women i know. In 2005 when i met her, we had all our classes for uni together and seeing her always brightened my day. any time I needed more joy, the joy in her life would just rub off onto me. she was always there when i needed to talk to her and there to just be my friend and hug me when i needed a hug. I think one of the most important things for me was after this year in Canada seeing Denneil and showing her that i turned into the beautiful woman of God that she always saw me to be. She always saw me in a way that i am starting to see myself and she has helped me grow to that woman. So Denneil. know that i love u soooo much and you have definitely made a huge impact on my life and i know you have touched sooo many other ppl's lives as well.

Last night, i was sitting here just listening to music and thinking about Denneil and just how much i am going to miss her and i was wondering what it would have been like to see her after my year here and i can only think of the words that she would have said and thats " i am so proud of u". But you know what, i know she is looking down on me from heaven saying that anyway. so Denneil i love you heaps and will miss u heaps.

Looking back on this week is tough.... but i am not hopeless. i know i am going to get through this. I have hope. I am just going through the grieving process... so i am sorry for people who have to put up with all of my tears and moods and emotions, but please just give me some time to deal with this how i need to and want to deal with this.

I think i will finish the post now that i am crying again!!! but know that I love you all!!!

Weird week

2007-02-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

have u ever had one of those weeks where you look back on the week and u really cant remember what happened? its like one big blur? welcome to my last week. i honestly am looking back at the week going, what the heck did i do this week. i really cant remember too much. so in a deperate attempt to remember my week, i am reverting to my journal and looking at what i have written about the past week. ohhh dreams dreams dreams... that has probably been the main theme for my week. dreaming up big things about my future and journalling about them. i have decided that i want to do phase 2, but i dont want to do it in Vancouver, i want to do it in Brisbane, so we shall see what happens there.

my intercession has been working a bit overtime this week. sometimes its hard. i will feel a certain way and not know why or where it is coming from. because me, personally i have felt good. i am in a good place emotionally, spiritually and mentally. but i have just felt sad.... and i just dont get it, most days i just dont understand. or i would feel heavy. so i have just been trying to pray through it all. i just wish my discernment was working a bit more. but God is a funny God like that. so its been a tough week for me. just sorting out some stuff in my own life and moving on and growing, thats always fun.

so i am not actually sure what has happened in my week, so i apologize for the lack of update.

So much to say!

2007-01-27T23:12:00.000-08:00

well i have sooo much to post bout, so i will try to make it as brief as possible. yesterday was Aust Day for those of u who dont know. well there were 7 of us aussies floating round the community, so we all decided to celebrate together as a group. so at like 11:00 last night, we hit up an aussie pub that is close to where we live, just to have fun and eat and stuff.... oh my gosh, BEST AUSTRALIA DAY EVER!!!! they had real aussie food. like rissoles and mashed potato with gravy and roast lamb and gray rolls and VEGEMITE!!! soooo good. was heaps of fun. the company was amazing!

i took a page out of Karyn Baker's blog and decided to do the love language test... just to see what my love language is.... are u ready..... touch! are you at all surprised??? i am not. however, my 2nd ones was a tie... it was quality time and words of affirmation. for so long i have been tossing up between these 2 to see what would be 2nd. here is my points table.

Your primary love language is Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch: 10
Quality Time: 8
Words of Affirmation: 8
Receiving Gifts: 4
Acts of Service: 0

and finally missionfest.... it was allright. i had alot of fun this morning in the 1st session.... seriously what went on in that session is probably gonna stay in that session, stuff between me and juan and holly.... that was funny. but it was fun to hang out with dawn, lynn as well and just have heaps of fun. it was kinda cheesy the sermon, but we had fun!!! also, a passion of mine really got stirred up and caused me to dream big things today. so that was pretty cool. it was one of the exhibits they had there.... just caused me to go " now that is what i want to do back home, this would be a dream job"... so it was cool. i have started dreaming big things!!!!!

well i have had a pretty good day. an intense afternoon of journalling and praying, but it was sweet! OH AND DENISE, I DID RATIONS..... DID YOU????

and finally, quote of the day goes to Cristina Edmonds.... at brunch this morning she said " I don't care about worship!" bold statement Cristina, u go hard girl!!!!! he he if u were there u would understand the context, i just wanna blow it out to be something it wasnt for Cristina, cuz i love her!!!

A week with Doug Burr

2007-01-26T17:38:00.000-08:00

Well its been a pretty exciting week in the revolution session... Well probably the whole of 614!!! We have had a guest here, Doug Burr!!! He is from Bangor, Maine... which is in USA for those people from aust that read this. He has been teaching on quite a few things, but it has been amazing. My favourite was spiritual gifts. I love talking about spiritual gifts. I think its cuz i am discovering what mine are and its soooo much fun.

But one interesting thing about Doug is that he is gifted in deliverance ministry and he has major discernment. So we all got offered to go into the war room for a session with him to see what comes up. He is pretty good at finding demons and kicking them out. Now i know everyone is pretty freaked out by the word demon, but when we kick demons out, it doesnt mean we froth at the mouth or end up rolling round on the floor.... It doesnt have to look like that. So today I had my session with Doug and we kicked a demon out. Man it was soooo sweet. We kicked out the demon of anger. It has had a hold over me for sooo long, but it was soooo good to just get it out. i got to bash it up with my Sword of the Spirit!!!!! NOW THAT WAS FUN!!!!!! But yeah I have had an interesting week.... Its been good, its been a bit of a downer, but ultimately i have learnt heaps, so thats all that matters!!!!

if you wanna know more about my week, email me and i will tell u more in detail!!!! Love you all!!!!

OH AND FOR ALL THOSE AUSTRALIANS OUT THERE, HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!!!! YOU WILL BE PLEASED TO KNOW THAT US AUSSIES OVER HERE ARE CELEBRATING TONIGHT BY GOING OUT TO DINNER!!!!!

Healing!

2007-01-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

man how good is God!!!! soooo good. last weekend at the conference, he healed my ankles. my ankles were pretty messed up because of netball. and he healed them. they are really strong now. so that was a pretty sweet healing he did.

Today i woke up at round 4:45am, as i had the 5-8am war room shift ( thats the prayer room). but i felt really really ill, like i was going to vomit. But i knew i had to go to my shift, so i went up there and on the way, i almost vomited. the smell of our elevator is soooo bad. so i got to the war room, headed straight for the toilet and just vomited. it was soooo nasty. i also had diarrea. so it wasnt pretty. Ian being the amazing guy he is made me go back to bed and he did my war room shift. so i went to bed and at bout 9:00, i woke up and vomited again. i felt soooo bad. it was sooo gross. i am not much of a vomiter.... so this was alot for my body to handle.

Needless to say, i vomited 4 times in the morning, spent half the morning on the toilet and with my head in the toilet. It was soooo bad. But then.... one of my session mates prayed healing over me and it wasnt one of those things that happened straight away.... but i went up to room 704 and slept in becky's bed from bout 2:30 til 4:30 and then when i woke up i took some headache tablets and within the next hour or so, i felt really good. i even stomached a piece of toast with vegemite on it. it was sooo cool. i honestly believe that God healed me. i couldnt have gotten over it that fast, it was definately some divine intervention going on there.

So the conclusion i have drawn from this post is that God is real, he is here, he is still working in our lives and he is a very gracious God!

Long Distance Friendships

2007-01-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

ok so everyone is probably wondering what this picture of a gift bag has to do with anything. and what the heck it had to do with long distance friendships. currently i am in more long distance friendships than i am in friendships with ppl who live really close to me.

but last night, i got to talk to my newest long distance friend, which was in fact Denise. for those of u who dont know, Denise or as i like to call her, Niecy, moved to Bangor in Maine just after christmas. we talked on the phone for 2.5 hrs. it was just sooo good. Denise and I became really really close in the 3 months she was here in Vancouver, so i am missing her heaps. so talking to her was amazing.

And i was thinking tonight, what is the point in long distance relationships. why does God allow me to get soooo close to someone, only for them to leave a few months later? and i have found it really helpful to have someone who knows the community i am living in and knows what i am going through, but yet is outside of Vancouver at the same time. and its always good to get an outside perspective and outsiders advice on problems etc going on.

i still dont know why God allowed me to get sooooooo close to Niecy only for her to move away.... like i still dont understand the full reason, but all i know is that our friendship hasnt become anything less because she is in a different country.... we r still very much connected. i cant really explain it, but although i miss her, i know she is doing amazing things and i still get to talk to her.

so Denise, know that i luv u heaps and that u r such an amazing person. i appreciate you heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps and i am glad that i can talk to you bout anything and everything and i am sooo glad that we have become such good friends. what i love most is the fact that i can talk to you bout stuff going on here and u get it..... u understand. so know that i appreciate you heaps.

so i bet by the end of this post, everyone is wondering why i have a picture of a spongebob squarepants gift bag as part of this post, it seems to have nothing to do with the post..... but in fact it has everything to do with the post!!!!!!! u see.... niecy, soooo cute. she is very good at imitating this face of spongebob. everytime i see it, it reminds me of her. makes me laugh always! luv u Niecy!

ok so here is a real pic of me and denise, for those of u who dont know who she is.... how gorgeous is she!!!!! he he!!!

A crazy crazy week in the life of Lisa

2007-01-17T18:35:00.000-08:00

ok, i thought war college was busy in the past, but now.... oh man!!!! this week has been insane.... this is the first time in a week i have been able to sit down and actually blog and actually send some emails out to people, so i apologize for my absence.

last wednesday, we went to a Todd Bentley conference. now for most of you, u probably dont know who he is. he is an amazing on fire Christian but extremely charasmatic.... so it was a pretty charasmatic event. i wouldnt call myself extremely charasmatic, so this was a bit intense. ppl walking round drunk in the holy spirit. that was weird. lots of ppl manifesting.... including me. so it was an intense week with really intense stuff going on. holy spirit did a huge work in my life and i feel very refreshed and full of the holy spirit. if u wanna know lots of details, please leave a comment and i will email u!!!!

but war college has been insane.... i have to read 5 books for different classes, still do class, ministry stuff and on top of that, this week i had to preach and i also have to lead discipleship this week, so its crazy intense.

one thing i have really struggled this week with is just stopping. the main theme of the conference was resting in God and i know Satan has been trying to use busyness as a way to bring me down.... today i was in the war room and i was doing some journalling and reflecting on the conference and as i was writing the word REST, i am like oh crap.... i havent actually done that this week and that was the main theme of the conference. even in the war room, i have had to do journalling, homework etc. but even just being in the war room is kinda stopping.... cuz i do get to reflect... i am a bit of a sift hog this week, i have 6 shifts.

so my advice is.... in the busyness of life, just take some time to stop and reflect on your life and just rest in the arms of God.

What do you believe??

2007-01-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

So today we had our first Doctrines class.... we are talking Salvation Army doctrines.... i was kinda dreading the class because some phase 2's had said its pretty boring and also, i thought they were just gonna take the SA doctrines and shove them down our throat and make us believe them.... but i was wrong. as usual!!!!

i really enjoyed the class. Jonathanis teaching it and he decided that he didnt want to just present the doctrines and expect us to believe, he ultimately wants us to decided what WE believe and stick with it. so first thing he got us to do was to write down what our essential beliefs are as Christians. and i thought it would be cool to show you guys what i wrote down... its some pretty broad statements but we didnt have ages to think bout it and these ones are pretty much my core beliefs! so this is my list:

- I believe God created the world and that we didnt just happen to come from 2 atoms by accident.
- I belive in the Trinity. The Father, The Son ( Jesus) and The Holy Spirit who dwells among us now.
- I believe that all scripture is 100% true and that it's all from God.
- I believe that Jesus came dwon as a human but was fully God and died on the cross for my sins, but then rose again after 3 days.
- I believe that Salvation comes when you accept Jesus died for your sins and that it doesnt come from any 'good' works that you may do, but you also need to turn from your sin and follow God 100% in order to have your salvation secure.
- I believe that Jesus is coming again.
- I believe that you body is a temple for the Holy Spirit and should be respected alot. Also that we need to offer our bodies as living sacrifices to God.

So thats what i wrote down.... i think most of them as pretty much core beliefs to any Christian. then in class we had to think bout why we believe what we do and where we got the beliefs from... its a good question. do you get your beliefs from what others believe? or do u get them just from what u think? or do u take what others say and test it? or is it from personal experience? one of the biggest things is personal experience for me. i was thinking about the last one i put and i didnt used to believe that, until a few slip ups in not respecting my body as much as i should and the amount of conviction i had from God and how much i really saw that God cared for me, so it really caused me to have that one as an essential belief.

we also had to answer the questions is it important to have beliefs? is it important for a community/body/church to have beliefs? and if you say yes, why?

one of the things that i came to the conclusion is that it is important for a community to have beliefs..... to voice what their core beliefs are and it all comes down to one word UNITY. when i came to War College, i didnt know any of my session mates, never met them ever..... but because we were all Christians and we all believed in God and the bible etc.... we were united. i felt a sense of unity, just purely on the fact that we believe mostly the same core beliefs. i think that is sooo important for a community to have.... if they didnt have beliefs or if they didnt know what their beliefs were, everyone would be a bit all over the place and there wouldnt be huge unity....

i could write soooo much more on lots of other topics as the past couple of days, God has been revealing cool stuff to me, but that is what is on my heart at the moment. oh and one more thing from Pray the Bible this morning.....

we were praying for Spiritual Strength for our fellow session mates..... and as i was praying, God spoke to me about Is 40:29-31 which says:

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

now this is just what i think, i am not sure whether its true or not, but i think it is..... in that the part where it says he gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.... it occured to me, that we arent just praying for any strength, we are praying for SPIRITUAL strength.... i felt God telling me that he gives power to the weak, but we need to be weak in order for Gods power to show through.... if we r all stubborn and think we r so tough, God's power isnt going to show through. and he gives us strength when we are powerless.... i struggle with this ( anyone who knows me, knows that i like to pretend everything is ok!!!!!).... we HAVE to be powerless and we have to be weak in order for Gods power to fully work in our lives..... what does anyone else think about this?? do you agree with me??

sorry its a bit long and alot to go through, but i am interested.... what are your core beliefs??? and do u agree with my last statement bout Is 40:29-31???

Back in the DTES

2007-01-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

well i am in Vancouver now and have been since Wednesday. I didnt really know what to expect coming back, i didnt know how i was going to feel about coming back and i didnt know how i would react to different things and different people.

well my first reaction of coming back was i felt sick. physically i felt sick coming back into the Downtown Eastside. it was kind of sad. like it wasnt cuz of the smell, it was just because i saw all the hurt of the people and that really hurt me too. when i walked into the hotel, i realise how much our hotel smells.... sooo grosso.

one thing i did notice is that i was soooo excited to see my session mates. and they were pretty excited to see me and my pink hair! good response all round. then it was soooo exciting to see Andy. cuz i have been homesick lately, it was good to see someone from home, so that was pretty exciting. i was also really excited to see Jenea and Juan and Joe..... and on Thursday night saw Karyn Baker, so that was pretty exciting.

so all in all my DTES return wasnt too bad. i still hurt for the people down here, but i know even being here makes a difference in people's lives and i am coming to that realisation. Gina, the desk worker at the Empress said some weird stuff went on while we were gone and she never wants us to leave again.... how cool is that!!! except that we have to leave! ah well.

so it probably wasnt a very interesting blog to read, but i just wanted to write one on coming back!

2007-01-02T22:10:00.000-08:00

wait, i have a better picture of my hair.... sooo cool!!!!

A week of change

2007-01-02T15:05:00.000-08:00

ok so i think i have gone a bit weird.... this week amongst sleeping and playing alot of Phase 10, i got a new piercing and i got half of my hair coloured pink!!!

so why did i do this?? i got the new piercing cuz i thought it looked good and i have wanted it for ages!!! the new hair is cuz i needed a change, i wanted to look different and be a bit outrageous!!! but i am pretty happy with both of them. i thought i would blog about them because some of my friends wont get to see my pink hair... so i will also put some photos up as well.

so this week has been a week of changes.... new piercing, new hair colour, new place to be, actually get lots of sleep ( thats a new thing!!!!!) and meeting lots of new people.... its been a good week... although i have been quite homesick. but i am sooo thankful and sooo blessed to have had these 2 weeks off and especially 2 weeks of being out of the downtown eastside...

I love you all heaps and heaps!!!

2006-12-31T19:50:00.000-08:00

hey again.... well i know Becky wont put this picture on hers, cuz she doesnt wanna make a big deal bout it, but i think its pretty sweet. today Becky got enrolled as a senior soldier... thats exciting!!!! she hates photos, but i made sure i took photos cuz i know she hates them so much!!! and i decided i would put one here for the whole world to see!!! she is gonna hate me... he he.

sooo proud of you Becky, u r sooo cool!!! but seriously, how good does she look!!!! ha ha ha!!!

Missing Home alot!

2006-12-31T15:23:00.000-08:00

hey everyone,
well the past week has been really hard.... i have been sooo blessed with a family to spend Christmas with.... sooo blessed. Becky's family has been really good to me. but it has been such a hard week.

i have been missing my friends and family like crazy. i cant imagine what its going to be like to go another 9 months without seeing all of my friends and family other than Andy and my mum. i cant imagine spending another 9 months away from everyone. i got told the first 3 months were always the hardest when away, but i have found the first 3 months the easiest. now its the hardest... especially now that Denise is not going to be in Vancouver... i will miss her heaps and heaps. Last night, i was crying heaps and heaps. all week i have been trying to act strong and pretend that i am not as homesick as i am, but it didnt work. last night, i cried alot. i was with Becky and i am glad that i am with her, cuz she just seems to get it.... like not necessarily understand but she just gets it. she knows i am thankful that i get to spend christmas at her house, but she also knows that i am homesick and there is nothing wrong with that. she just gets it when i tell her, i feel as though some ppl dont. some ppl dont really get it... they think i either have to be feeling totally blessed or totally homesick... there is an in between.

so to all my friends back home in Aust, i love u soooo much and i miss u sooooo much and wish i could see u.... even for a day.

2006-12-30T00:48:00.000-08:00

here is a gorgeous photo of me and becky with berkley. berkley is my raccoon that i got for christmas from becky.... funny story behind why she got it...

when we were out doing prayer walk on our all night of prayer we walked past an alley and there was this animal there and i freaked out... i am like " WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING!" and becky is like oh thats just a raccoon and i was soooo scared... never seen one before ever... so as her christmas present to me she got me the raccoon and i named him berkley..... I combine alley and becky together and added an R and got berkley.... so thats my gorgeous picture!!!

First Blog ever

2006-12-29T19:06:00.000-08:00

sooo i thought i would conform to what everyone else is doing and start a blog.... mainly because its sooo hard sometimes for people to keep up with me, especially my friends in Australia. so here is a way that people can keep up with me and i can hopefully keep up with you.

sooo whats new with me? well i am in Saskatchewan, specifically Saskatoon. i am with Becky, one of my session mates from war college, which is sooo cool. she is sooo great. i love her heaps and heaps. we have had some really fun times here, like getting a piercing together, that was fun!!!! so yeah just resting and just relaxing before going bak to war college and getting back into my crazy insane routine....

so thats my life at the moment.... i love u all heaps and heaps and hope u get some enjoyment out of reading my blogs over the next months.